Why Verbal Violence can be more scarring than physical

I will start with a simple quote;

"Wounds heal, but scars remain - Pain is temporary, but memories are permanent."

I don't know who said it, but this simple quote says more than many books written on this subject might.


In a violent confrontation, the fear you feel, the intimidation, the hopelessness, it's not because of the physical trauma you suffer, it's because of the psychological trauma.

Even if there is no physical attack, the behavior of the individual who is aggressive enough will cause your mind to be affected in a certain way, your emotions will flood in all at once, hormones are released that cloud your clear thinking, which in turn could lead you to freeze, or do something that might make things worse.

You see, we are conditioned by the society today to be pacifists. We are raised to suppress our emotions, especially our anger. Since we are little kids, we are taught to be polite to others, taught to never insult them, respect authority, respect our elders, etc.

Due to that conditioning, we will always behave in a docile manner, and until we are pushed beyond our limits, we will never go "savage". Of course, this too has quite a few exceptions. There are individuals who aren't like that, they don't think like the rest, they don't act like the rest. They don't mind breaking the norms of the society and crossing the limits that create victims from innocent bystanders.

When the rule followers meet rule breakers, chaos ensues and the rule followers end up the victim. Now, I'm not implying that being a rule follower is a bad thing, all i'm saying is that majority of the rule followers won't know what to do, when they get into it, everything will feel surreal to them, they will be confused and won't know the appropriate response to such a threat.

See my point is, when you are faced with an asocial criminal, both your mindsets will exactly be the polar opposite of each other. You will be the one who would want to reason, but the other one will be aggressive and will only want to hurt you to get what that individual wants from you, that's all there is on their minds, you are not a human to them, you are just a target, a dehumanized target.

Now to get what they want, those criminals will always use intimidation of some kind, whether it's a weapon, or extremely aggressive "in your face" type approach with a really angry and loud voice and curse words, etc. or physical assault and life threats.

Most muggers don't actually physically hurt their targets, it's too risky for them to do so, all they want are your valuables, and so, the sudden ambush attack and the aggressive behavior, and just their overall method to scare the living daylights out of their target is enough for majority of people to lose their minds and just comply with them.

During and surely after those situations, even though the victim isn't physically damaged, the psychological after-effects will leave them in a stressful state of mind a.k.a. Post-traumatic stress.

When that happens, the victim's behavior in their everyday life will change dramatically. If they were outgoing, they will prefer to stay indoors after a certain time of day, they could also develop trust issues and might not be able to make friends as easily as they used to. Behavioral changes like that can affect an individual's day-to-day life on a very high level. Certain psychological damage can last longer than almost any physiological damage.

Now unless you are prepared to face something like that, your chances of coming out of something like that without psychological scarring, are basically none. Even with training, you will be shaken up for sure, maybe not as badly, but still.
Now without any training, it will be a nightmare you live out everyday for a very long time, and you might have go see a psychologist or a therapist to deal with and get over those issues and it's not an easy task, far from it actually.

Look, I'm not writing these things here to scare you, these are just the cold hard facts, people have gone through these things, they still do, and the sooner you face these facts, the sooner you can take steps to make sure that you won't go through something like that yourself.

That's the main reason why i focus about 60% of my self-protection training on psychological conditioning, 30% on the technical and physical part and the rest 10% on the unpredictable external factors that contribute to the outcome of a violent altercation.
Training for these situations by making your mind used to these things is the only way to prepare yourself for them. There are no short-cuts to these things.

Alright. That's it. Thanks for reading and please think about what you read here.

"Do 's and Don'ts" of Combat

Sometimes, it's the things you do that help you and sometimes it's the things that you didn't do that helps you survive and get out of a situation that is "F.U.B.A.R".


Let's just see what those things might be, yes?


1- Never underestimate yourself, if you do, you start to think that your attacker will be more powerful than you and you start to give up and losing a battle psychologically will guarantee your demise physically too. No matter how obviously bigger, stronger and even skilled he/she might be than you, your mind should focus on one thing and one thing only, "Getting out of there at any cost, no matter what".

2- Never overestimate yourself, if you do, you'd think you're superior than others and that includes your attacker/s and can "take them out", which will lead to you getting beat up and down the concrete and to the hospital and/or morgue. You can push your limits during training, but never in a real violent situation.  "Know your limits".

"Then what?" you ask?

3- Well, You should never "estimate" anything, estimation is a guess, guessing is a risk in combat, especially if you're guessing about what the attacker might do and what you'd do as a response. Guessing leads to you imagining things that don't exist and probably won't happen. Then you start looking for solutions of problems that never existed in the first place. Not a very productive way to train for 'reality of violence'.
There should never be any guesses or doubts and never let your imagination take over your ability of reason and logic.. "Be sure of your actions, no second guessing and be realistic".

4- Now, how will you be sure of your abilities? Well, you train and hone your abilities and develop new skills and brush up on the old ones (if you have any). 

5- How do you hone your abilities and develop new skills? You train and after, test yourself in training. 

What do i mean by "test"? By training with a partner that;

- Is Not a punching bag or pad.

- Is Not Compliant.

- Isn't afraid to hit back when you hit him.

- Is Bigger and/or Faster than you.

- Is more Skilled and Superior than you.

In short, you train in a realistic way that has all the elements of real violence. You don't have to go a 100%, but even at 50%, you will experience pretty high level of intensity and adrenal stress that real violent situations are comprised of.

6- You train in a method that gets you ready in a day, even though mastering it would take years. What if you are faced with a threat on the first day of training? Would you be able to use what you trained in the class?

You know, in World War 2, soldiers were trained in about 7 days time and then deployed in combat, and that wasn't just unarmed hand-to-hand, it included more than h2h, it included weapons, explosives, urban and jungle survival skills and many more things too, so they only took about 1-2 day/s to complete the unarmed training, on the 2nd and 3rd days they were on knives and bayonets, by the time it was the 4th day, they were already training with and were good at using firearms, explosives, plus other "silent neutralizing" methods.

I'm not saying you have to train like WW2 soldiers, what i'm saying is, you have to train efficiently in methods that have practical applications and are simple enough to pick-up on the first day of your training. You have to train in a method with a set of principles that are simple and ready to apply, if/when the situation demands it.

Next,

8- Learning to think like a criminal and get into his mentality, to understand what makes them "tick", what to say, what not to say, what would help, what wouldn't, pre-contact ques like, body language (yours and the attacker's).
In some cases, body language helps, in others communication skills do. "Sometimes both help, sometimes neither". 
Another advantage of thinking like a criminal is you can reverse engineer that mindset and can come up with practical solutions to not only combat, but prevent and avoid threats like that altogether.


9- "Know the situation, Know the environment". It's not just situational awareness, it's being Environmentally aware that increases your chances of survival. There are instructors who focus on this more than any other aspect because it's the most important one, it will determine your chances of survival.

10- Learn more about the crimes in your locality, know who committed  those crimes and how they might affect you. Also, what other possible criminals might be lurking around? Coordinate with your local L.E Department (If possible and they are open to cooperating with you). Maybe form a small neighborhood watch, (If suitable for your locality).
"Know your neighbors and your neighborhood".

11- Don't forget the law, study the local law about self protection and self defense. Also try and understand these things;
-What constitutes as self-defense?
-What can land you in jail?
-What can help you survive legal prosecution?
-What to say? What not to say? & How to say something to a L.E.O. during debriefing?
-How to describe the incident in a way that won't portray you as an aggressive individual who was looking for trouble and found it and attacked the other guy?
-What are the loopholes and how would you escape without being labeled the criminal despite being the victim?
"Know and Learn the law".

12- Learn to be violent and use violence for your survival, psychological skills can get you far enough, but enough's not always enough, learn to be physically violent and know when to stop, to "turn it off".


13- Finally, always be aware of the many consequences of violence (positive and negative, more so of the latter), your actions will get a reaction in the following 5 ways;

-Psychological - Trauma, PTSD, Depression, etc.

-Physical - Any injuries sustained during the physical altercation.

-Moral - Guilt and feeling of sorrow, (if fatalities occur, especially of someone who you are with during the incident).

-Societal - Public shame, individuals behave differently around you, loss of friends and probably status, isolation from peers, possible loss of profession/job/career (if it goes to the court and you are unable to prove that you're the victim, etc. Which brings me to the final one...

-Legal - Proving justified use of force is not always easy, especially if there are no witnesses to back you up, lawyer and other legal fees will drain you and your bank account dry resulting in financial debt, long court dates will take time away from your normal life, a very high possibility of jail time if you're unable to prove that you hospitalizing or killing someone was justified in order to save lives and maintain your or your family's safety, if the criminal is alive and injured, without eyewitnesses he can escape any charges and go free or they can even claim you as the attacker, without eyewitnesses, it might not be as easy as you think to prove otherwise, especially if the criminal has a better lawyer than you. It has happened, you never know what other legal factors you come across. In fact, legal consequences are the worst kind of them all.

Now you have an idea of the subjects that should be included in your training for real violence.

In the end, there are no specific do's and don'ts of combat. Just some basic, common sense principles and whatever else helps you survive, those are the "Do's", the rest are the "What to look out for's" and the "Don'ts".

As always, Thanks for reading.

A little deviation from my usual topic

Today, we'll deviate from our usual topic and talk a little about stretching and fitness workouts you can do at home.

Okay so, here are some things you can do for stretching.

 1- High leg swings- Here all you have to do is get good balance first, then you swing your leg as high as you can in four directions- Front, Side, Back and Diagonally to the left.

2-  Next, sitting on the floor, legs folded, knees gently bent with the soles of your feet touching in front of you, now move your knees up and down, it's called the butterfly stretch.

3- Another one you can do is, first, hold on to something, like the back of a chair, then, practice side stretch kicks, as high as you can get them, these are not swings, keep that in mind while doing them, hold your leg out straight using the chair for balance.

4-  Next, sit sideways to a wall and then spin your legs around so they are pointing up the wall and your butt is as close to the wall as possible. Open your legs and let gravity do the rest, it's kind of like the splits, but upside down.

5-  Next, sit on the floor, spread your legs and lean forward, concentrate on breathing rather than stretching as you relax, then slide your palms under your leg and edge your legs further apart and repeat the breathing.

6- Last, stand feet flat on the floor as wide apart as you can go, hands, elbow or chest level of the floor based on your flexibility, hold for 20 or 30 Seconds, then turn your toes to the sky and hold for 20-30 seconds, without pulling your feet closer together, turn to the left or right, front toes up, foot flat hands placed on each side of your body for balance, hold for the count, then turn the back foot down so the ball of your foot is on the floor hold for a count, then turn and repeat on the other side. You can also do this as a standing stretch with a partner. Then you can add some downward pressure to strengthen as you stretch. 

These will be more than enough for you to do to get some basic level of stretching ability.


Remember, the trick to stretching is not concentrating on the stretch, it's to concentrate on your breathing. Why? Because you subconsciously tense that area when you do that, and then, as you relax on the exhale, let yourself sink into the direction you are stretching. That's it, see? A simple little mind trick to improve your stretching :)

Now for some work-outs -

1- Crunches are always useful to develop upper abdomen.

2- Leg pulls are another exercise to develop your lower abdomen- All you have to do is sit on the edge of a bench or bed, put your hands as far back as possible without fully lying down, then extend your legs outward and pull them in, do at least 20-30 reps daily.

3- Plank is the best one to develop your core muscles.

4- Now, for chest muscles- push-ups are good, start with 20 or so reps, if you can't do them, make those 12. Remember your form in push-ups will determine the results you get from doing them.

5- Pull-ups, this one will be a bit difficult to do for the ones who haven't done them before, try working on your shoulder muscles and your 'Latissimus Dorsi' muscle or 'Lats' or "wings", as I've heard some call them.

6- Running- this is the best cardio you'll get. Not on a tread mill, get out and get some fresh air in your free time, if you live near a beach, that'll be the best place to do it, the fresh air will help you a great deal.

7- Jumping Jacks, another cardio workout.



Alright then, hope you enjoyed reading this little post of mine and found it useful. Now, stop reading and start working out you! ;)

How do you approach your training?

Today, i want to ask you a question.

How do you approach your training when it comes to dealing with violent criminals? 

-Do you think defensively?
-Do you think neutrally?
-Do you think offensively?

You see, there are three types of mindsets.

1- The Defensive mindset; always thinks about what he/she will do, if someone attacks them in a certain manner, or what their defensive "move" will be? Will they do a 360 defend or a deflect? Or trap and counter? They will always think that an attacker is going to attack in a particular manner and nothing more, due to their type of training in class, they will always think, "When he does this, i'll do that".

2- The Neutral mindset; Always thinks one thing, "I live in one of the safest areas, That will never happen to me".

3- The Offensive mindset; Doesn't have just one thing on it's mind, it's has everything on it. What do i mean by "everything"? By everything i mean, Everything it needs to Survive and Live.





Here's where perspective in training comes in handy.

Many T.M.A's and Systems train with a defensive perspective, from a "civilian" P.O.V.  that dictates, you not attacking your attacker no matter what, but instead "defending" yourself and then to just hit once and run. But what they don't teach you is, 'once' isn't always enough.

See, first of all, majority of the victims in past cases who didn't survive their attackers had defensive wounds on their hands, from edged and blunt weapons, it's because rather than attacking, they defended.

Defensive mindset can only get you so far, at max, it can help you in certain "Alpha Male" anti-social situations...maybe... and that's a BIG Maybe, but in asocial life and death ones? It's a dead end.

Now, the offensive perspective, puts you in the criminal's shoes.. so to speak. You begin to think like one, you see things from a P.O.V. that not all are able to, and once you start thinking like one, you know what to look out for.
If you think like a predator, you'll identify other predators from their body language and will steer clear of them and in some cases, they will be able to identify you from the way you talk, the way you walk and your overall body language, so they will steer clear of you too, since most attackers only choose victims they see as weak and know won't fight back. This is not true with all predators, but majority of them. Some don't care how tough your body language is, if they want to victimize you, they will victimize you and your family, but that's a topic for another post.

Besides all that, with a predator mindset, you'll know what true violence is capable of, which will help you regulate yourself in certain conflicts, and not escalate a minor situation to a full blown fist fight, helping you avoid, rather than having to fight your way out of the situation.

With an offensive mindset, you know what to do and that is to not just stop with one hit, but continue till the target is down and out, stay on your two feet and not stop fighting until you're the last one standing, then escape or not having to get into situations like that in the first place.

As for the neutral mindset, well, the people with this mindset are often the ones to say "I never thought this would ever happen to me". These are the ones, who are most often mugged or assaulted.

Anyway, that's it for today. Thanks for reading.

Btw, i read a really good and informative Blog Post today. I really think you should read it.
It goes more into detail about why you shouldn't think criminals are just dumb and weak animals who prey on the helpless and how they actually study and train to be the perfect killing machines and more about CQC, etc. This is not a promotion, i just thought it was really interesting and wanted to share with everyone.